cat/dog lovers, this is for you, er, them, just read...

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Body: >To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
>Dear Dogs and Cats,
>The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
>dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
>the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it, becoming your
>food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
>The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
>to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
>faster than you can run.
>I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
>this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
>comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
>is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
>fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
>having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
>sarcasm.
>For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
>some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
>necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
>the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door
>I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or
>feline attendance is not required.
>The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I
>cannot stress this enough!

>To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
>front door:

>To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
>1. They live here. You don't.
>2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
> (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
>3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
>4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
>short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
>Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
>1. Eat less
>2. Don't ask for money all the time
>3 Are easier to train
>4. Normally come when called
>5. Never ask to drive the car
>6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
>7. Don't smoke or drink
>8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
>9. Don't want to wear your clothes
>10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college
>And finally,
>11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

Comments

I saw these once before. ...

I saw these once before. The NASCAR stairway and secret bathroom door sooo described the dog my recent ex-boyfriend had. He really would bust in the bathroom trying to figure out where I went!!

lol...that's cute!!! ...

lol...that's cute!!! People are always complaining about my dogs jumping on them when they come over....I try to control them but it's a lost cause....they're excited to see people...I warn visitors ahead of time that my dogs are hyperactive, but they still get pissed off when my dogs come to greet them at the door :)

That's awesome! Thanks!

That's awesome! Thanks!

i read that before but ...

i read that before but love it. Especially the part about how it€™s better to have a pet then a child! Funny.

Thats really funny, and true.

Thats really funny, and true.

Now I can have an excuse ...

Now I can have an excuse to lauch as loud as the slackers in the office (although I was able to contain myself. It took a lot of effort though).