Too funny!!!!
If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're
sitting down when you read it. This is probably the
funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad
dates but this takes the cake.
worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while.
and let her go beside the road, or it would be in the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her
pants down and started. In the deep snow she
didn't have good
footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady
herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for
traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All
she could think about was the relief she felt despite the
rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.
is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her
dilemma.
the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
down'.
| More..... |
6 Comments » |
A woman scorned. . .
Woman burns ex-beau's clothes, damages top $100K
ANDERSON, Ind. – A woman set fire to her ex-boyfriend's clothing at a self-storage center and walked away, causing more than $100,000 in damages, police said. Officers arrested Donna J. Duell, 26, on suspicion of arson in connection with the fire Wednesday night at Community Storage Lockers on the north side of Anderson.
Duell at first denied any involvement but then admitted she took her ex-boyfriend's clothing to an empty storage unit, set it ablaze and walked away, Anderson Police Detective Randy Tracy said.
Duell told him the two were involved in a "bitter domestic dispute."
"The fire fully engulfed one entire building and damage estimates are over $100,000, not including the contents of the buildings," Tracy said.
Security codes indicated Duell had been the last person to storage center at 8:02 p.m., and she left nine minutes later. Firefighters received the first report of the blaze at 8:24 p.m.
Duell was released from the Madison County Jail after posting $20,000 bond Thursday.
A telephone listing for her could not be located Friday.
| More..... |
3 Comments » |
Hmmm, interesting. . . .
2 Comments » |
we have seen this list before but this one’s a little different. LOL!
NINE WORDS WOMEN USE (1) Fine: This is the word women use to end
an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. (2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed,
this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just
been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the
house. (3) Nothing: This is the calm before the
storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin
with nothing usually end in fine. (4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission.
Don't Do It! (5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but
is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she
thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of
nothing.) (6) That's Okay: This is one of the most
dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she
wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your
mistake. (7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not
question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a
clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE
sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're
welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever'). (8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying
F– YOU! (9) Don't worry about it, I got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man
to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a
man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response
refer to # 3. * Send this to the men you know, to warn them
about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology. * Send this to all the women you know to give
them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!!
| More..... |
4 Comments » |
is this guy for real??
http://www.livesteez.com/videos/watch/sTUg5Wi
has anyone else heard about this guy too??
4 Comments » |
Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual
OK, now I don't have anything against all you people who are gay,lesbian or bi, k? I just see a lot of those people showing a little, no screw that, a LOT of PDA. tone it down a ****in' level. seriously. i have a few gay friends and all but sometimes it just gets a little annoying. AND AGAIN, I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST YOU PEOPLE
if you post a comment saying something like "OMG we totally do not show PDA, you're mentally retarded
7 Comments » |
Do teachers NEVER learn?Especially the OLDER ones!!!!
9 Comments » |
amazing what a parent will do IN FRONT of their kid when they’re mad
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25404950
I can't even think of what to say about this BUTTHOLE except I REALLY HOPE they catch him!!!
13 Comments » |
dang, I must be gettin old, cuz these chicks are CRAZY!!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/25267735#25267735
WHY, WHY, WHY????
6 Comments » |
This May Ruffle Your Feathers
I cannot believe Abstinence is taught in the schools today instead sex education. Abstinence is a complete and total failure, it didn't work in the past and won't now. I don't have a problem with teaching the kids that abstaining is the best option but sex ed should be taught as well. I find it amusing that its the baby Boomers who are preaching this failed policy, hypocrites.
I think that there is so much more mis-information than ever out there in regards to sex. Our kids need to be informed properly so that don't end up with a pregnancy or STD statistic. They should be taught how conception occurs and what steps can be taken to reduce exposure to diseases like AIDS or herpes.
They should also be taught the proper use of condoms, contraception, and how there anatomy should used. Pregnancy prevention products are useless if not used properly (condoms can rip if not used correctly and can be uncomfortable).
Girls should be taught proper feminie hygenie, how to examine breasts for lumps, and checking the vaginal area for health concerns. Boys should be taught to check for testicular cancer and other problems.
I know some of you are going to say that its the parents responsibility to explain "the birds and bees" to thier kids but the fact is that they're not doing it. Today's parents are both working to put food on the table without enough time to have discussions about sex with the kids.
Did you know that 1 out every 4 women will raped at some point (not sure what it is for men)? Would your daughter or son know what to do if they were assaulted? I think this something that teens should be taught, what to do or not do if they a raped. Parents should have this discussion with their kids as well, especially girls.
Kids today think that oral sex is not sex at all and offers no risk, certian sexual positions won't lead to pregnancy, that "pulling out" in time gaurantees safe sex, etc… If there is no sex ed how will any of these myths be dispelled? I highly doubt any teen is going to ask mom and dad about them and if they will the parents have all the right answer?
In closing, I just think that the benefits of sex education far outweight the risks. Solely teaching abstinence is just folly and ineffective.
| More..... |
12 Comments » |
the saga continues…
5 Comments » |
well, NOW we know.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23618592?GT1=43001
even GROSSER now that I DO know!!!
8 Comments » |
Once again . . .
6 Comments » |
LET’S GET IT ON!!!
NOT with me, but with whomever you want to do that with…
1 Comment » |
just in time for Valentine’s Day!!!
http://www.newsweek.com/id/110965?gt1=10856
for all you freaky people out there!!!
3 Comments » |
Just ‘precious’ . . .
4 Comments » |
YA’LL, I’M SPEECHLESS YA’LL…
13 Comments » |
I REALLY don’t understand women!!!
Seriously ladies, IF you are married (or just dating, conanabana) someone for
10 YEARS, and you alreaedy know that that person had
been married BEFORE meeting you, been in the service before meeting you, HAD A
LIFE before meeting you, unless the past held some BODIES in it, would you KEEP
asking and then being upset when you find out things were not quite so
STORYBOOK?![]()
Look, I hace told her SEVERAL times since we've known each other that I know how to pick a lock, I know how to MAKE a key that works in EVERY lock! I NEVER kept that away from her! I also told her I am aware of how to make explosive devices and use the knives I collect. IT IS NO SECRET!!! However, like when I told her (and stopped) about my experiences with the cops down in LA (she just refused to believe any of it happened nor did she believe I ALWAYS get followed down there EVEN WHEN WE WERE FOLLOWED DOWN THERE!!! (He waswn't following us, he was just going this way! I made several street changes just to SHOW her and she STILL believes this police officer was ust coincidentally going exactly where we were driving, across THREE cities!!!!).'
Now, I have told her at the beginning of our relationship that what I did when I aquired that knowledge was in ANOTHER life, one that I do NOT like reliving. I tell her this atleast twice a year, and you know she says she asks so much because I MUST be making it all up, that HER husband would not know ANYTHING criminal AT ALL, EVER!
So ladies (and gents) tell me, WTF?!?!?!?! Should I continue to keep reliving an unpleasant part of my life at her whim, or should I just refuse to talk about it PERIOD (and take the chance of alienating her). Tel me ladies, is this something that would kill a relationship? Finding out your mate was not a 'clean' as you hoped? (BTW, I have NEVER been arrested, and I only learned how to pick locks when I needed a roof to sleep under but was NOT running home to mama (right after I separated from wife #1, things were REALLY rough for me back then, I honestly only remember parts of that time in black & white!). So, knowing that, is this a big deal tat I need to worry about? I love my wife more than my own self, but I don't think talking about a life BEFORE we met is the way to go, which is why I delve deep into HER past (which is probably cleaner than mine, considering she grew up in the Napa Valley on a Vineyard!)
| More..... |
14 Comments » |
Use a CONDOM or STOP having SEX for crying out loud!!!!
7 Comments » |
Mandy’s new list…
It has been a while since I posted a current list of my peeves, but there are some repeates from last time.
1. My dad's girlfriend
2. People who get upset at me for correcting MY kids in front of them.
3. People who correct my kids in front of me, after getting upset at me for correcting my kids in from of them.
4. Thank you, but I carried them for 9 months, so I believe they are MY responsibility.
5. Just cause my dad sleeps with some one DOES NOT make them my kids honorary grandmother, my friend, nor some-one that I will allow them to tell me how I went wrong raising my children
6. Her kid is in rehab. Tell me again about MY parenting skills…
7. My dad for being lazy and not trying to find a suitable person to sleep with…..anyone one else would have been sufficiant..even the leg-less gimp at the homeless shelter…..
8. My step-mother-in-law for FORCING my middle daughter to ride in a parade…that she would have rather caught candy and WATCHED the parade.
9.My dad for not letting me cook while I was at his house.
10. my dad's poison he fed me and my children.
11. The fact that I am at my mom's and can FINALLY get on the chat room, and no one wants to be on….
12.I gave my dad 5 frames for his birthday with pics of him holding all his grandbabies when they were born, and his dumbass girlfriend tried to use the pictures out of the frames I gave him, and made copies, and basically did the same thing, but put them in different frames…..oohh, she is SO thoughtful.
That is enough for now. I am making myself mad…
| More..... |
12 Comments » |
Women…
enough said…
11 Comments » |
time for some FUN..
this is a list, tell me what your best/worst ones are OR the ones that you've heard/used on someone!
link is under comments! (as if I had to tell you!)
5 Comments » |
annoying nosey new girlfriend
My ex and I have a 7 yr old son, we have been split up for 3 years. His
stupid ass new girlfriend is almost 10 yrs younger than he and I (she is 24) and
she is so obvious, childish and annoying!
It’s bad enough that she moved into the house I picked out a month after I
left, the bed was probably still warm on my side, but she is always asking my
son questions about me when he goes to visit his Dad ( my son thinks she is
annoying too) and she is always around trying to be nice to me in that fake way
of hers- all the while I know the stupid bitch talks about me and even tries to
get info from my son about my current relationship ( I guess she wants to be
sure I am not on the prowl for her man)… my ex even told me she picked a
fight with him about paying my car note every month. how is that her business?!
That was part of our agreement in the split, how does it affect her? None of her
business, period.
My pet peeve is everytime I go there ass needs to come outside of the house with
this fake ass grin on her face all up in the business. EVERYTIME. Its
ridiculous. Is this bitch in love with me? If she has a sweater on over a tank
top, it comes off, like she’s trying to show off her fantastically flat
chest. I was a dancer for 10 yrs- there is no way her body can even compare- why
is she such an annoying moron?
It could be noon on a sunday but if ass clown knows I’m due to pick up my
son she will be outside with tight clothing and a full on clown face. ( I mean
CLOWN FACE!) Where the are you going on a sunday painted like a 10 cent whore?
She needs to keep her distance… my temper is starting to boil at the sight
of her.
I bite my tongue because of my son, if not I would have told her ass off a long
time ago. That day is coming near, I can feel it.
anyway, she acts like she has a crush on me, she always needs to see me. Is she
a lesbian? I can’t even talk to my ex without her hovering there. SHE
NEEDS TO MIND HER OWN BUSINESS IF I WANTED HER MAN I COULD HAVE KEPT HIM, HE
STRAYED BECAUSE I TIRED OF HIM AND STOPPED HAVING SEX WITH HIM…This is why
I don’t blame him for the break up…
Her behavior is making me want to screw him one last time just so i can laugh in
her overly painted mac employee face. The b***** looks like a clown. I just
found out from my son today that he heard her ask my ex why he had to come out
of the house everytime I pick my son up, he asked her why does SHE need to come
out. Her reply was she was “curious” about me.
WHAT I WANT TO SAY IS “BITCH KEEP YOUR ASS IN THE HOUSE BEFORE I BEAT THE
OUT OF YOU I AM A HAIR AWAY FROM STOMPING YOUR FACE, STAY OUT OF MY SIGHT AND DO
NOT INTERFERE”
she is the most annoying bitch ever, i cannot WAIT until they break up I am
going to laugh in her face. She has a borrowed life. My house, my furniture. He
bought me a huge diamond, he had my name tattooed on his chest, we had a child
together and 7 years. I CANNOT WAIT TO LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH.
Maybe the litlte home wrecking trailer park trash is afraid of Karma!
| More..... |
22 Comments » |





